Ramblings: October 2011

It has dawned on me that I have not really written down the birth story of either of my girls. I feel it is such an amazing time in one's life but so quickly forgotten once parenthood hits full swing. So... I have decided to write them down in this space to keep them for us as a family to look back on in years to come.

I did come across an email that I had sent to my antenatal group, a few days after Inda had been born, which will definately help me with details as it was three and a half years ago now! (My how time flies).

Before starting I will give you some context and background. After some thought and reading, Chris and I had decided on a water birth with no intervention for our first birth. Now, after having had two babies, I feel like this was a very brave decision, as I really had no idea what I was getting into. I knew my two sister in laws had 3 babies between them at the time and both of them had delivered naturally. So, with that as my only influence (being the first in my peer group to start the baby train), I got my mind into gear and began Calm Birthing classes and seeing only one midwife for the duration of the pregnancy. This midwife, Jo, would turn out to be one of the most amazing women I have met in my life and one who has become a dear friend of our family and whom I respect highly, so much so that she also delivered our little Noa. Brilliant woman.

So anyway, pregnancy for me was quite stressful and my anxiety levels reached a new high, aka panic attacks. Although, I would say that I did not understand it as that at the time, it was quite frightening and as a result would impact my birthing immensely.

At 1am Wed 12th March, I got my first contraction. For a first time mum, this is something you are so unsure about... "was that it? Is this what I am waiting for?" I was lying in bed and whatever it was, it woke me up. I lay there waiting to see if it happened again and about 10mins later I felt it. Instead of waking Chris up for what could be nothing, I got up and watched some Gilmore Girls episodes until I was sure this was happening. At this early stage they were 5 minutes apart and quite intense for early labour, considering that some people don't even realise they are in early labour.

After a night of no sleep and constant contractions that were getting stronger, I was sure things were progressing. So at 7:30am we went into birthing suite. Jo had been on all night and so was at home sleeping, but another midwife, Sue was there who examined me and told me that I was only 1cm dilated! What! All that effort for one measley centimetre! I was worried about what was to come.
We went home and laboured there and were told to come back in when things intensified. So I spent the entire day perched on the edge of our lounge in the only position I could get comfortable in. Any time I moved from that position, I lost all focus and concentration and the pain was much more intense.. so there I stayed. My mum and sister popped by which was hard because I couldn't really relax with them watching, so needless to say they didn't stay very long.

Twelve hours later the contractions were still 4-5 minutely but much more intense, so we went back in and upon assessment, was 4cm dilated, which I was happy with. The next eight hours were spent in the birthing suite bath, which is where I intended to birth this little girl. It was great. I felt fearful but not out of control.

As the contractions increased in intensity, with no time in between, I was sure this was transistion (the crazy intense part before you are fully dilated and ready to push).

{I have to add a little sidetrack here as I clearly remember at this point, a woman in the room next to me absolutely screaming like she was being tortured. I had not reached that point yet and completely freaked out. I was sobbing and telling Chris that there was no way I could do that and I wanted to go home!}

Back to labour... Jo got me out of the bath to check how far I had progressed and to my devastation I was still 4cm. I was gutted and completely started to unravel at this point. Once I was out of the bath, I realised the great pain relief the water had been providing and I just lost it. I could not get comfortable and was asking poor bewildered Chris to, "please help me!" (haha poor guy). It was decided that my waters would be broken and it was here that Jo suggested an epidural. They had discovered on ultrasound that Indie was actually posterior and thus things were progressing very slowly and I was having crazy back pain.

I was honestly unphased at this point with the epidural as it had been going on for so long and I was exhausted. Jo knew I didnt want it but thought it would be the best option given how much I was freaking out and how long labour had been going without progress. So I had the gas followed by the epidural. The gas really sent me into another dimension and I honestly don't remember much after that except leaping off the bed with the need to sit in the chair across from me as the anaesthestist was inserting the epidural needle into my back. In my mind that chair would solve all my issues and get rid of the pain... yeah gas is awesome haha. Chris tells me afterwards that I was waving my arms around in the air and saying "Woahhh." I don't remember any of that.

The next thing I knew I was blissed out on the bed and asking Chris why it had taken me so long to get the epidural? Chris started frantically flipping through, 'What to expect when your expecting' to find the parts on epidurals and what to expect. Hilarious.
Jo propped me into the most comfortable position and suggested I get some sleep whilst the epidural worked it's magic of relaxing me and hopefully allowing bub to turn the right way around. However, in true Inda style, she was waiting for no one and within minutes, I felt this enormous pressure in my bottom that literally lifted me off the bed. I told Jo and she commented, "yes that is the baby Sarah. It will be there until she is born." But I guess I complained enough and she came to check what was going on. To her complete surprise I was already 10cms and ready to push.

I felt a sense of relief at this point as I saw it as the home stretch. This was it, I was about to meet our baby girl who we had been wondering about for 9 long months. It was a very surreal moment. The next one and a half hours was such hard work! Pushing was really hard, especially becuase I could feel nothing and had no urge to push. Jo was telling me when to push when I felt the pressure in my butt. I screamed, I swore (and apologised) and I said I couldn't do it, but eventually out came this head full of dark hair.

{At this point there was a room full of doctors. Doctors for me and doctors for Inda, as her heart rate had dropped to 70bpm and I had to be given an episiotomy to get her out. So as soon as her head had emerged the doctor said to Jo, "the cord is wrapped around her neck twice." I flipped and started shouting at the doctor to get it off, to which he replied he couldn't because it was too tight. He had to wait until the next contraction and I could push her out. Some kind of motherly something came over me and I was not waiting for another contraction. I just pushed as hard as I could to get her outta there and low and behold out she came! Thankyou Jesus!}

I remember Jo telling them to put her on my chest as they tried to give her straight to the paediatric team. I was so thankful because for those brief minutes I looked right into her big beautiful almond shaped eyes and exclaimed, 'she is beautiful!' I held an oxygen mask over her face for those few minutes before they swept her away to be taken to special care nursery. Although I didn't notice at the time, she had not cried at this point.

Inda was not breathing well as she had taken alot of fluid on her lungs when coming out and it was not until they suctioned out the crap that she started screaming. They then took her out of the room and I remained to be stitched back together. Chris was feeling quite overwhelmed at this point and started to feel really faint and panicky. He turned an awful shade of white and asked to sit down. A kind nurse took him outside, sat him down and gave him an OJ. My poor man. It was pretty traumatic.

So after 28 hours of labour, it ended with the three of us in separate rooms and not at all how i had imagined it. However, the incredible relief of it being over and the unspeakable joy of becoming a mum to a beautiful little girl was still there and it was awesome.

Three years later and here she is. Who would have thought this little bundle of personality was wrapped up in that baby, so tiny and helpless. God is truly amazing.

The Jacksons were a sad tale of the social elite. Old Man Jackson was a high flying business man who lived the wealthy life, associating with noteables and bossing around anyone else who didnt come under that title. He was known around town for his big mouth and big arse, from days of indulging in life at the expense of others. Unfortunately, his big mouth, whilst making him a great business man was also his greatest downfall. Combining this with his lack of formal business education, it aint suprising then that he got screwed and went under in the worst fashion when me mum was about two. A family of nobility reduced to servant status. This affected Old Man Jackson in such a deep and secret way for many years. With a wife and six children to feed and clothe, of whom me mum was the youngest, there was no other option than to become a servant family for the wealthy of London. Their story is well known and still circulates today. They were a disgrace to their family and friends. Life suddenly became very hard.
They lived in the servant quarters of a retired bank man and his family for many years. Me mum tells me that although times were hard, working sixteen hour days, seven days a week, these were the happiest memories of her growin' up years.